Alright, so you know what I’ve decided? It’s Christmas. I always think I’m going to love Christmas, but when the actual holiday rolls around. I realize it's just pressure. Pressure to be romantic and happy and familial. I thought back, I started feeling really poopy at the beginning of December. Right? (All quitting smoking aside here.) Then I felt shitty all December, and today? I feel great! Eff Christmas! Eff this damn holiday full of obligation and pressure. I love the candles and the trees and the lights, but I hate the pressure to “be happy.” So, I have a whole year to be happy before it hits again!
So, I’m So Hot Thursday!
148.5
Oh I love to just stay there, just keep me there one more week weight gods and I will bow and kneel to your infinite power.
My ankle is 1,000 times better. It feels great. It’s still a little painful if I press on it and eff with it, so I’m going to hold off on the running till after the New Year. Give it one more week or so of rest and then I’m going to run the shit out of it. I’m so relieved, I was nervous it wasn’t going to go away. And I’m really looking forward to running again. I also got a bunch of exercises that will make my heels/ankles/Achilles stronger, so this doesn’t happen again!
I have a bunch of things I want to start in the New Year, as we all do. John gets a ton of ladies health magazines from work, and I’ve started clipping stuff out, doggy-earing things I want to remember (like my constant battle with granola, some I hate, some I love, I’m finally giving up on granola and am going to use grape nuts in my yogurt! DONE! I LOVE Grape Nuts!). I’m also going to start bringing my own yogurt (the lowfat Greek kind) instead of getting it from the Mart…little things like that.
I also just got my haircut and I’m adorable. Seriously, this is the best haircut I’ve had in years, and its all part of my master plan, to really take some pride in how I look by using what I can at my disposal, instead of just being someone who pretends not to care.
So…one more thing I did, just about an hour ago, I went to the CVS. Yes I did. And what did I do there? I splurged. I spent $80 on all new makeup: New mascara, new eyeliner, new lipstick, new moisturizer, new blush, new foundation, new hair gel and of course, new “mineral glow”. My makeup is old and tired and cracked and broken, and I believe that this is the kind of thing that creeps into your subconscious. If I have cracked, broken, and crappy old makeup…then there’s some part of me that feels crappy and broken and old.
I ALSO went and bought Ram Daas’ book on meditation, it’s for beginners, how to start and what to do. I figure if he’s gotten into my brain and had an impact on me, maybe it would be best to start with his book. So…Hixx is getting ready for 2008.
I’m off tomorrow, back on Monday, I’ll do a 2007 wrap-up then.
Tonight? We bowl.
We don’t really, but I just watched Grease II, and its one of my favorite lines, you cool rider you.
3 comments:
Oh Hixx, I am so with you on this. I feel weird today but a good kind of weird--like, thank god, pretty soon all these f***'ed up emotions will be DONE.
Congrats on the pretty new 'do and the makeup--an endeavor I wholeheartedly support! :)
Here here! I did the same thing when dad was in the hospital in October--I went to Walgreens and bought a ton of new makeup in the Neutrogena line--powder, lipstick, lip gloss, blush and it was like $50 or so and I love it and I use it all. And I changed salons back in October, too, and got something totally new and fresh that I loved and I can't wait to get all this crap mop on my head cut off in the new year there (it has grown out a lot). Those things make me feel better. I have also decided that I am going to treat myself to a massage. Yeah.
So funny--such similar roads. I love it and I love that I am in good company.
For Christmas, we really did change up the traditions, and it was good--we went to eat Mexican food with my grandmother and aunt and her family and then home and opened presents Christmas Eve and went to church Christmas morning and then saw 2 comedy movies at the theatre and ate hot dogs and shitty theatre food for lunch. But I found that the things that were traditional really shook me up, like singing Christmas carols--I couldn't do it. I kind of didn't want it to feel like Christmas so I could just hide from the fact that dad was missing. I know that that might not be the best way to deal with things, but I also know that it isn't wrong.
Point is--it isn't selfish to take care of yourself or to want to change things up. It is healing and it is growing and it is growing up. It is great to purge all the old and shitty things and embrace the new good things.
And if you know that Christmas bums you out, then next year, try to make it better for you--shake it up if you can. And Challenge everyone to take risks and do something scary--if everyone puts pressure on the day, then no one will fulfill it, but if y'all make little changes or try to mix it up together, then it is new memories and experiences for you all.
Blabber blabber.....What I mean to say is, I love that you are taking care of yourself--you ABSOLUTELY deserve it. I can't wait to see you in the new year! xoxoxoxooxoxox
Erica, I really adore you. Yes, you absolutely hit it on the head. If the old way is killing you, don't do it that way anymore. I love you guys going to the movies and eating and getting mexican food. It's different, why try to pretend its the same?
Okay ladies lets all get through this!
Erica? Come home.
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