One is the loneliest number

Man, the day is going by fast and I haven’t done hardly any work. Been catching up on emails and Chicagoist stuff. Whoops! Sorry work.

Okay, so I did it. I went and got a hotel room downtown, by myself, and I stayed there one whole night! All alone! It was really nice, I enjoyed it immensely, and feel better after doing it.

Some may think this odd yes? Why would someone want to do that? And the answer is, “to be alone”. I was thinking about this on my little vacation (because I was alone with my thoughts, so could think more) and here’s what I came up with.

There is definitely something to being alone. Take walking for example, you can walk at your own pace. Never speeding up or down for anything. You can stop in any store you want. You can not stop at all. When walking with someone else, you invariably change your pace, or not stop somewhere because walking partner doesn’t want.

Something as easy as the tv. John and I watch tv together and its fun right? But alone, I can stop on any channel as long as I like, or not. I can get up and go for a walk when I want, wait for no one.

Being with someone, whether lover or friend is filled with tiny compromises. Compromises so small, sometimes you can’t even see them. And when alone, no compromises have to be made, none. You own the world, you will see it how you see fit and nothing can get in the way of you doing what you want to do.

Now, that being said, I was relieved to see John and be home. I realized how remarkable John is, to not be angry or sad, to let me be weird and do this thing. There were things I saw (a TON of drunk cops singing, it was hilarious) that I wish he had seen too. Walking along I missed his warm hand in mine. Sleeping without him is odd, and the general feeling of him not being there is just…strange. I missed him, even though I loved being alone, I missed him and his jokes and comments, and the things he sees that I don’t.

So done and done, I did it. And now I get to go spend the weekend WITH him in a fancy hotel, just the two of us doing Cincy up right, y’all.