Old dogs

I started reading (YES I’M FINALLY FINISHED WITH VANITY FAIR!!!) more Ram Daas. A book called “Still Here”. A Ram Daas book on aging.

I’ve always had a severe fear of aging. I remember my mother long ago trying to soothe me, and telling me that the human body takes care of itself. That once you’re not able to do all the things you used to do, you don’t want to do them anymore.

Like… Great America. Yes, maybe I’m too old for Great America, but the thing is, I don’t WANT to go to Great America anymore, so its fine that I can’t really.

But watching what my mother is going through and knowing that she is rich and has enough money to take care of what she needs, its enough to strike fear into this poor heart that followed in many of her unhealthy footsteps.

So I thought I’d turn to a guru to help me out. And so far, it’s pretty good. Although I’m about 10 pages in. Its comforting to know that someone is peaceful with it, someone who had a stroke is peaceful with it and that it doesn’t have to be the worst thing that ever happened to anyone.

Or anything.

There’s a doggie outside of where I work. He’s so old. Some kind of yellow lab with a little gray face. His hips don’t work very well, he walks so slowly and one of his back legs sort of caves in as he’s walking.

The thing is, every time I’ve seen this dog, he’s got his stuffed whatever in his mouth. He can’t run, he can’t play, he can barely walk, and he’s meandering along with his bally in his mouth. It is the sweetest thing, the saddest thing, the most inspiring thing.

I don’t know how the dog and Ram Daas tie in, I just know they do. Partly probably, because the dog doesn’t have the stigma of age to worry about. He is old, and that is all he is, it isn’t good, it isn’t bad.

It just is.

On a lighter note, I’m performing tonight. It’s been a good 3 months since I’ve been on stage. I’m looking forward to it. We’ll be doing “Foley” (sp?) sounds during the show, lending some weird sound effects to our improv. Should be nutty!