Ooh yes, just a drop more of whine

Okay. Sigh. It’s over. Christmas is officially over. And although I have a dentist appointment and some more family obligations.

It’s over.

I apologize for my Christmas whining, no one wants to whine at Christmas, but tough. I’m not going to make stuff up for my blog right? Right.

What has really coming out of all of this is seeing that my/our mom is just one big ball of want.

I’m reading the new Eckart Tolle book where he talks a lot about want, as most Buddhists/Spiritualists do. They are the bane of our existence, they are what holds us up. They are what try to fill all the empty spaces we feel, and the more wants you have, the worse off you are. We all know this by now right? Your desire for material possessions/food/drugs, it’s all to fill up the emptiness.

Well, mom is one big ball of want. She wants food, she wants us, she wants to go outside, she wants to live alone, she wants she wants she wants, she wants chocolate and cheeseburgers. And it’s so hard, because you want to help her, you want to fill in all those things she can’t or doesn’t have. But you can’t. And when you do, she just has another want, and you’re breaking your back to give her those things to make her happy, and they don’t, and she forgets or never understands what you did in the first place.

I have a movie to watch, that we tried to make mom watch about a Yogi named Rem Daas. He had a stroke and was also paralyzed on one half of his body. We watched the beginning, mom would have none of it and acted like it had nothing to do with her, but what I did hear him say was that the pain of stroke comes from trying to continue on the way you were before.

Yeah, like mom has nothing to do with that.

So we take her to the movies, she falls asleep and misses it, we take her to eat and she talks about more food, we all sit around and talk and she says how bored she is.

I don’t know how else to help her, but I can’t just sit and watch her die either.

Christmas. Sigh.